the verdict is in

I can't do it....

My biggest reservation about walking away from this experience is that I will have let so many people down. However, letting my kids down would be something that I could never live with. I didn't get home until 10:45 last night and everyone was fast asleep. The most I could give them were kisses on their precious sleeping faces and whisper in their ear how much I loved them and hope that they heard it. This morning Mason was crying my name from the moment he woke up. He fought me to put on his school clothes and tried to peel them off all morning. Asjia kept saying "don't go Mommy, Mommy don't go". I know school is not the problem, once we pulled up they ran off and left me in the dust. The problem is that they miss me. So that does it, my kids are suffering and that was never my intention of pusuing this opportunity. I am going to Thank God for blessing me with the ability to make this choice and not be forced in to anything, and Thank everyone in my life for their support, and part ways with the jobby job. A part of me mourns "what could be" with M.A.C but the decision is quite easy actually. I think I may stay on as a freelance artist so I can come and go as I please. Maybe a weekend here or there to get out of the house and keep the creative juices flowing. I have to find a way to keep the kids in school at least part-time because they really love it and it's helping them to blossom so beautifully. Thankfully the great people at their school are willing to help me. Either through scholarship or a part time job at the school to cover the cost. They are WONDERFUL. To those of you with a carreer and kids...I so admire your strength. I admire your time management skills and empathize with you on your sacrifice. For those of you who are home in the trenches...you know I love and respect you to the fullest for what you are doing, we all know the trials and tribulations of that job. So there it is good people. Now I can stop worrying you with my broken hearted posts;)