Tuesday, December 11, 2007

the importance of separation...

Last week I had a touchbase with the kids teacher, Ms Christine. She is really a sweetheart. She said they were all doing fantastic, making huge progress, and right where they need to be age wise. The one observation that broke my heart was this...

She explained to me that they needed more one on one time with me. This is something that has been nagging me for a while, but this really hit home. She said that the lack of individual time alone with me instead of as a trio was causing insecurities within my children. She explained that there is no time to develop a close individual bond with each of them, and that has caused them to be insecure as individuals. She said that I may feel bonded with them because I am always with them and I give them tons of affection, but it wasn't the same as the bond would be if they had a chance to bond with me alone rather than all together. She explained that instead, they are bonding with eachother and that's where they get their security from. Thus, the reason they hate being separated. She told me that out of all the kids in the classroom, these guys were the furthest behind socially. They get scared when new kids join the classroom, have longer adjustment periods to new kids and teacher's, and are more relucant to try new things than the other kids. My heart droppped. Did I really cause my kids to be insecure? I am with them, loving on them, and teaching them every moment I can get my hands on. It makes sense though, they need me to know them in and out as individuals, not as a pack. They need to have their time, to have their own special moments with me or Chris, no interruptions. So, this is our new commitment. To allow each one of them to flourish and get as much alone time as we can find.

Today is Kyle's day. I can't explain to you the smile he had and the bounce in his walk as we left the school together holding hands. We went to the park, had lots of conversations, read a couple of books that he picked out, we will go to lunch together, take a nap together, and go get "ma brudu & ma chista" from school a little later. I will rotate each week, and my day off that week will be all theirs! For a Mom of triplets, having one tagging along with you is like nothing, it's actually very refreshing to get to focus on just one of them.

5 comments:

Laura said...

It's good to have you back. I have missed you. This post really hits home for me too. While I do not have triplets I have four children. I find it very difficult to find enough of me to go around so that each of them gets their own time. My twins in general are an issue too. I am trying to grab one and take her to the grocery store or to do an errand and enjoy our time together more. Truly when I took Hailey with me the other day it was like a piece of cake and made it easier to enjoy her when it was only her. I volunteer in Jacob's kindergarten and someone told me I should tell the teacher i had too much to do it. I had to explain that I do not do it for his teacher I do it for him. He loves it so much and it makes him feel very special. It is SO important to take the time to make each kid feel special. I need to work harder on that with my twins. They do not act at all like they are suffering but they do fight over me, and have a need to be together too!

Laura said...

URgh. I am feelig your pain. This has been a constant issue I have had since we knew there were three and sometimes it really weighs heavily on my mind.

I have finally begun taking one at a time to stores or even to my Dr appointments. I am glad your teacher felt brave enough being that honest with you. And I am even more glad that you are in a position that you can and DO take the opportunity to have the one on one. How exciting for Kyle today!

Casey's trio said...

Thanks for sharing this. VERY rarely do we take the girls out individually and we need to do it more so that we can spend that quality time together. I get stolen moments here and there when one of the girls wakes up early from a nap or stay awake a little longer, but going on outings sure would be fun! Glad you are finding the opportunity to do this weekly with your kids.

My name is Tammie said...

Also a problem here. I never would have thought that it would affect them socially though. Gosh this multiple thing just isnt easy is it? (((HUGS))) You are a great mom. Dont think for a minute that you arent.

angie said...

Got serious chills. I'm so glad you are back and committed to one on one time and for the reminder that we all need one on one time with our children.