Friday, October 12, 2007

the verdict is in

I can't do it....

My biggest reservation about walking away from this experience is that I will have let so many people down. However, letting my kids down would be something that I could never live with. I didn't get home until 10:45 last night and everyone was fast asleep. The most I could give them were kisses on their precious sleeping faces and whisper in their ear how much I loved them and hope that they heard it. This morning Mason was crying my name from the moment he woke up. He fought me to put on his school clothes and tried to peel them off all morning. Asjia kept saying "don't go Mommy, Mommy don't go". I know school is not the problem, once we pulled up they ran off and left me in the dust. The problem is that they miss me. So that does it, my kids are suffering and that was never my intention of pusuing this opportunity. I am going to Thank God for blessing me with the ability to make this choice and not be forced in to anything, and Thank everyone in my life for their support, and part ways with the jobby job. A part of me mourns "what could be" with M.A.C but the decision is quite easy actually. I think I may stay on as a freelance artist so I can come and go as I please. Maybe a weekend here or there to get out of the house and keep the creative juices flowing. I have to find a way to keep the kids in school at least part-time because they really love it and it's helping them to blossom so beautifully. Thankfully the great people at their school are willing to help me. Either through scholarship or a part time job at the school to cover the cost. They are WONDERFUL. To those of you with a carreer and kids...I so admire your strength. I admire your time management skills and empathize with you on your sacrifice. For those of you who are home in the trenches...you know I love and respect you to the fullest for what you are doing, we all know the trials and tribulations of that job. So there it is good people. Now I can stop worrying you with my broken hearted posts;)

12 comments:

Undomestic Goddess said...

I am gonna call you right now !

Only you know what is best, don't worry about letting anyone down!

I <3 you

angie said...

I SO admire your ability to make the decision that is best for you and your family without equivocation. Casey mentioned in her comments (from the other post) that it is obvious you care deeply for your family (or something to that effect). Your devotion to them speaks volumes! I am just so impressed with all you are able to accomplish! And, on a more selfish note, I can't wait to see you back more often in blog world.

P.S. Ever thought of doing blog designs from home?

MaryBeth said...

Please, please don't say CAN'T! You can, you did, and you are now blessed with the ability to choose what you WANT for your future! If you had to you could... (you got your dream job afterall), right?!? You are awesome. Don't think less of yourself.... think more! Now you'll have this whole other perspective when facing the poopy toddler days ahead and perhaps be better able to get through them... oh, and you'll also better appreciate the happy toddler filled days ahead glowing in the fact that you were able to choose to be with them more. Hugs to you!!

3 Peas N A Pod said...

I cannot imagine what a hard decision this was. I admire your strength and dedication to your family. Take care and enjoy your three precious blessings!

Kelley and the girls

Casey's trio said...

I hope that the weight and worry of this decision is gone and you can jump back into SAHM with lots of pride, wisdom, love, sanity etc...I am sure the kiddos are going to be begging you for "mo kissys" and lots of lovin' for awhile. It's nice to read that you might be able to stay on in a freelance position just to get a taste of the work-world when you need it.
I am with Angie and hope we'll be hearing from you more regularly again:)

My name is Tammie said...

Good for you. Good for you for picking what was in your heart. Good for you for thinking so completely about your decision. Good for you for being such a strong woman. Good for you for being one Hell of a mom. Good for you.

Laura said...

I have been out of town for many of your recent posts. I just want you to know your feelings are normal and that you are not letting any one down. You are am amazing mother, and person! Good for you for admitting when something was not working and putting your kids first. Just remember there is a time and a season. You could do web design for blogs and just work when you wanted, you do an amazing job. I look forward to more blogging and inspiration!

loren said...

just popping in to say that I've been thinking of you and your decision - I hope you can come to terms with whichever decision you settle on. And remember, it's not permanent :)

J said...

just as long as you follow your heart.. and i know your heart... so .. i love you girl..

angie said...

Starting to worry......is everything going OK?

My name is Tammie said...

Worried too. Its been a while. Hope things are OK!

Casey's trio said...

Me too. Hope to hear from you soon!